Monthly Archives: August 2015

Letters to Eisley #3

Dear Eisley Hope,

Grammie is staying at your mama and daddy’s house for a few days. Pops and I are getting a new roof on the house and it’s very messy and loud. Grammie isn’t real good with messy and loud, especially since you left us. So Watson and I came here to have some peace and quiet.

2015-08-17 12.58.20

I miss you so much. At first it was hard for me to stay here, I didn’t realize it would be….but you are everywhere in this home. We so desperately had hoped you could live here for a little while. After you left us, your Aunt Marie was careful to help pack all your things away before she returned to Romania. But I guess there are certain things your mama chose not to pack away.

2015-08-17 12.58.46

My heart gave a leap when I saw the quilt I had bought you this last Christmas. The cheerful yellow color peeked out at me as it is folded sweetly in the drawers of the dresser in the guest room where I stay. Maybe I will sleep with it tonight. Maybe I will feel closer to you. Maybe I will christen it with my tears. So many dreams we had for you baby girl. So very bittersweet.

The hardest part for me is your mama’s empty arms. The empty rocking chair. Your mama is such a natural mama, you might not realize this Eisley, but not everyone is. There were babies in your NICU with no mama around. However, your mama was created to understand little ones and she was beside you every moment she could be. She often noticed things before your NICU nurses did. I just wish people were more merciful with her.

2015-08-17 13.00.04

Mama’s are meant to fix things. Many things can be fixed with a kiss and a band-aid. I look at your mama and I realize there is no band-aid big enough to fix this pain. It is only something that Jesus can heal. The same was true for you. Your mama and I have walked a similar path. We both have beloved daughters with needs only Jesus can meet.

You are perfect now with no pain. For that I am thankful. The few times we could tell you were uncomfortable were unbearable. Your silent little cry coupled with our helplessness was almost too much to bear. Maybe that’s why Grammie desperately needs peace and quiet more than ever.

Eisley 028

I miss you so much Eisley. There will be more grandchildren…. Teddy is coming soon! But please know that no matter how many grandchildren Pops and I have, you will never be replaced, ever. Not only is your name tattooed on my foot, but my love for you Eisley Hope Klein Hutchinson is tattooed on my heart.

Until that day you run to greet me,

Love, Grammie XOXOXO

11206138_10152755978056481_8862880585502307230_n

Letters to Eisley #2

Dear Eisley,

I miss you. I’m wondering about heaven. Will you always be a tiny one? In my mind I see you running and greeting  me one day, like Mercy would. A couple weeks ago I was in the hospital with chest pains. As I laid on that table I was very peaceful. I thought of those I know who love Jesus and have left this earth and now are with Him.

There are many I long to see,  but no one more than you. I want time with you, time to get to know you with your little unique personality that God gives to each one and gave to you. One day I will have an eternity with you, but not yet. My physical heart is just fine.

2015-06-19 19.40.59

 

Last time I wrote you I told you several times that Grammie is trying to trust God. I try to search for joy each day. Most of my joy comes from looking at God’s creation.  Pops and I spend a lot of time on the boat we named after you. We go to Lake Rollins and just look at the beauty around us. The majestic ponderosa pines surround us and reflect in the water.  It comforts me to know in all it’s beauty,  it is just a faded glimpse of the beauty you dwell in right now. One day we shall join you.

This Saturday will be one year since your Grammie and Pops got in a horrible car accident. It has been a source of much confusion to me. When it happened our car was spinning in circles and I found myself crying out the powerful name of Jesus over and over. When it all stopped this thought went through my mind – we shouldn’t be alive, but we are!

accident

So this Saturday on August 8, 2015 we are having a Thanksgiving dinner to thank God for sparing our lives in that car accident. I realized something this last few weeks and it is this –  the enemy of our souls was trying to destroy us and God intervened.

I always thought of the car accident as a physical thing…..a person not paying attention and rear ending us and causing us to jackknife and roll. You are probably so much wiser than your Grammie in this area as you know about the spiritual kingdom, but I now know that it was a spiritual thing and God intervened.

“The God-begotten are also the God-protected.

The Evil One can’t lay a hand on them.

We know that we are held firm by God…”

1 John 5:18

But when it came to you Eisley Hope, I have thought, well God could have intervened and He chose not to. He took Eisley home with Him. As I have struggled to trust God in this situation, I have realized that I was wrong about Him and that He did intervene on your behalf several times. So this Saturday we will also be thanking God for your life.

2015-05-07 23.56.12

God gave you life, and in the brokenness of this world as a result of the fall, you got an extra chromosome. You should have been miscarried, but God intervened. You should have been stillborn, but again God intervened. Your fragile body would have died in labor, but God intervened. His Holy Spirit inside of your mama prompted her to go to the hospital nine weeks early. How thankful I am for that and how thankful I am that she listened.

“Since ancient times no one has heard or perceived,

no eye has seen any God besides you,

who intervenes for those who wait for him.”

Isaiah 64:4

God intervened by giving your mama a wise doctor who knew you needed to come out early and you did! Our world was turned upside down, and to be honest sweet baby girl, it’s not upright yet…but you lived and we loved you for twelve precious days. I am so thankful to have met you Eisley Hope. Your short life has made me a better person.

My friend Denise made ornaments for your mama and daddy and both sets of grandparents as a keepsake of you. Your name is on one side and an incredible truth on the other –

METADATA-STARTMETADATA-START

The Bible tells us in Psalms that our days were appointed before we left our mother’s womb. Your 12 days + Eternity equals a whole and perfect Life. It’s been a blink of the eye since Pops and I raised your mama and our family – and it will be the blink of an eye until I see you again sweet baby girl.

Run to meet your Grammie on that day and we will have an eternity to get to know one another. Until then I will write you letters as I purpose to trust our Creator and Savior.

FB_IMG_1428769837373